Do you have political dreams? Are you planning to run for an election? Do you want to be a full time hypocrite? Are you worried that your Brahmin tag will hinder your political ambitions?
Fear not! We have it all covered for you.
In today’s India, caste-based political narrative, from the opposition, is on the rise. This acts as a disadvantage for the forward caste, leaving no narrative for them to stay relevant in the political arena.
Enter Communist ideology! The panacea to all the above problems! Because of our beloved leader Mao, Brahmins finally have a relevant narrative in today’s political standing.
Crash course on becoming big in politics if you are a Brahmin :
- Embrace Communism.
Join SFI when in college. If you have already passed out of college and are looking for a job in a capitalist economy, you should join CPI/CPI-M.
- SAVARNA OPPRESSION.
For you to lose your Brahmin tag, start using these words wherever possible. Experts recommend one to use it twice after breakfast, brunch,lunch, supper and dinner for maximum impact.
- Talk about Brahmanvad and RSS.
Keep speaking about how all the problems in the country are just because of Brahmins. Even though the fact that RSS has more backward class people in their Shakhas than your party office, accuse RSS of being a Brahmin organisation.
- Speak about the caste system and do nothing to improve it.
Wear the same filters as the British and start calling the caste system regressive. Pick a random incident, a personal fight between two individuals, paint it to be casteist and use the narrative for a month. Please note that you shouldn’t try improving the situation of the marginalised as you would lose political relevancy.
- Paint Hinduism as regressive and look the other way for similar practices in Islam and Christianity.
Attack only Hinduism for all the problems in the society. When the issue of Triple Talaq crops up run away to China. When the argument of caste discrimination in Church comes up, flee the scene.
Famous Brahmin politicians who are successful after using the above guidelines :
- Sitaram Yechury – President of CPI (M)
- Dr. Surjya Kanta Mishra – Served as Health Minister and Minister in-charge of Land & Land Reforms, Panchayats & Rural Development in the Left Frontgovernments of West Bengal. After the 2011 assembly election he was elected as Leader of the Opposition in the West Bengal Legislative Assembly.
- Somnath Chatterjee – He was the Speaker of the Lok Sabha (House of the People) from 2004 to 2009
- Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee – The Chief Minister of West Bengal from 2000 to 2011
- Puran Chand Joshi – He was the first general secretary of the Communist Party of India from 1935–47.
- Mandayam Parthasarathi Tirumal Acharya – Iyengar- M.P.T. Acharya : One of the founding members of the Communist Party of India
The latest one to try the above route is a Brahmin Iyengar, Mr Kamal Hassan.
There is hope for all Brahmin politicians after all. Laal Salaam Ambis!