Hello again, sir! I missed you all these days. I hope you are feeling fit & fine after your refreshing Vipassna course & your trips to 2 of the most progressive states of the country – Punjab & Gujarat … & of course, the Vatican! I hope that Pope Francis is in good health.
Coming to the reason why I write to you this time… I have learnt from a recent Tweet that CMO, Delhi is suffering from an acute shortage of stationery. So much so that the even the Hon’ble Chief Minister is not even left with a pen to write with. I was aghast with this news.
Sir, you are one of my 31 favourite Chief Ministers. I follow your profile on Twitter. I have observed that you are online all the time. Several elements of the “Bahut Krantikari!” mainstream media dedicate as much airtime to you alone as to all the other elements of the political spectrum combined. In such a situation, I’m sure your word is reaching your target audience (& the Hon’ble Prime Minister) directly. Why even rest a pen’s nib on paper after spending 526 Crores on media management alone? I was left thinking for a very long time: “Why does Shri Kejriwalneed a pen at all?”
I couldn’t understand. So, I raised the matter with my associates. One of them pointed out that you might need a pen to sign those accusatory letters that you keep writing to the Lieutenant Governor, Shri Najeeb Jung. That was when I realised, that though rare, there are times when even you might need a pen. However, one thing that I still don’t understand was how you managed to get yourself in a situation where you don’t even have the money to buy a pen, whereas RTIs have revealed that your government had spent over Rs. 526 Crores for the advertisements of Aam Aadmi Party throughout the country & well over 1 Crore on chai samosas in the past 18 months, over half of which was spent by your offices alone.
I guess spending 1 Crore on chai samosas was your way of showing your solidarity to the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s former profession. I’m sure Shri Modi will be proud & heavily appreciate your support to chaiwalas. Meanwhile, another RTI Petition has revealed that the kitchen bills of 7, Race Course Road – from Day #1 of the advent of the Modi Sarkaar – are being deducted from the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s salary of Rs. 1.6 Lakh (meagre when compared to your lavish Rs. 2.1 Lakh after your self-awarded 400% hike last year).
Sir, you are a baniya. So am I! It is my duty as a “Marwari bhai” to inform you that the community is disappointed with you for this kind of money mismanagement. A reputed (Marwari) CA remarked that had you managed the funds well enough, you would have never ended up in such an awkward situation. Anyway, don’t worry! I have a solution. You could dump pens & papers altogether & shift the CMO’s proceedings to Twitter. Advantages are infinite! You spend more time on Twitter than anywhere else. Besides, it is eco friendly & complies with your arch nemesis’ vision of e-governance. Also, Twitter has an entertainment quotient, which rises exponentially as soon as your start tweeting. Further, your party’s handsomely funded IT Cell will boost your image, regardless of the decision you take.
Sir, Sherry prajee said that you are dictatorial. In the past too, you have displayed your stubbornness in not buying shoes from the Rs. 364/- I had sent across to you in February. Regardless, I have decided to write to you once again, hoping that you might honour my aforementioned requests this time (viz. shifting the CMO to Twitter & money management).
However, if you ignore my request this time too, there might arise a possibility that you still require a pen. Keeping this in mind & considering your inability to buy one, on extremely compassionate grounds, I have enclosed with this letter, some interim relief in the form of a Roller Ball pen. This pen was made by an Indian company in India, supporting the Prime Minister’s Make in India initiative. Receiving no cash this time might disappoint you temporarily, but will save your time & energy in going & buying it yourself. I hope you will appreciate my humble gift.