Parody: NGT Is Teaching Us True Hinduism

“Mane ne Kaashi, Mane ne Vrindavana (My house only is Kaashi& my house only is Vrindavan)” I had heard many Kannada speaking elders saying this for years and years. For many years I kept thinking that those who said it were actually too lazy to travel and that’s why they said it. Then I came to know that for a true devotee, every place is equivalent to Kashi and Vrindavan – pilgrimage places for Shiva and Vishnu Bhakts respectively. One doesn’t have to really go anywhere to see God, God lives within us and with us always. How simple and divine Hinduism is, I thought.

But despite having such divine guideposts, Hindus kept travelling from one corner of Bharat to another in search of God, sometimes to Ujjain, sometimes to Vaishnodevi, sometimes to Badrinath, sometimes to Dhanushkodi&Rameshwaram and sometimes to Amarnath. Neither rain nor snow, neither crowds nor terrorists, nothing seemed to faze them. The number of devotees kept piling on.

Then one fine day succour appeared for the Hindu Gods in the form of NGT – the National Green Tribunal. The NGT, a premier body which has taken on itself the onus of saving our holy rivers & temples decided that it was high time the Hindus were reminded of the universal truth that God exists everywhere and it was not necessary to go to a place to visit Him or Her. Having colossal shows showcasing culture, on the banks of rivers were a waste of energy & such energy had to be preserved. Even Gods sitting on top of mountains were tired of blessing pilgrims, they decided. Not just that, so many people were eroding the Sculptures / Pindis /Shivlings which were there since time immemorial. After all, Hindus are the only religious group who cannot be entrusted with looking after their temples & they had to be directed on how to worship, not just how to manage funds.

So, they decided to fine a Guru for showcasing Bharatiya Culture in such a grand way. The Yamuna delta was completely destroyed and the river badly polluted because of this, they said. It was so silly of the Hindus to protest that actually industries, tanneries and refineries were the cause of such destruction. The horrible foam which is ever present in some places where the Yamuna flows, is just air bubbles. Those tanneries, refineries and industries are a necessity & them polluting the rivers is just a farce. Everyone saw on TV how the stages set for the World Culture Festival destroyed the riverbed. So the Guru & His Sanstha was pulled up & fined. The tanneries still exist, by the way. No fine there ….

At Vaishno Devi, as more and more people visit the cave temple, there is a toll on the structural integrity of the cave shrine they said. Therefore the National Green Tribunal put a limit on the number of visitors per day to Vaishno Devi, allowing only 50,000 per day. New constructions on the mountain top has been stopped too. After all devotees should have to wait, preferably with less comforts, if they really want to understand the meaning of a pilgrimage. Only when out of tiredness they cry, ‘Maa … abtohDarshan de dey’, should they get Darshan. If this reduces the expenditure of the Shrine as against the income generated, it should be no one’s concern.

The Supreme Court, not to be left behind, approved new norms regarding visits to the famous Mahakaleshwar temple in Ujjain. That Shivling which did not shrink in thousands of years, is apparently facing a real crisis. Despite the protests of various Peethadeeshas, devotees have been told to pour only R.O water on the MahakaleshwarShivling and not Gangajal. Imagine Mahakaleshwar would get destroyed because of Gangajal! Also only 1.25 litres of milk can be poured on it. Hindu devotees are really destroying their Gods! Incapable fools!

Now NGT also decided to pass a ruling on another Shiva Shrine – Amarnath. This time, people have been told to enter the cave one at a time, in complete silence. Maun Darshan! Stop disturbing the God, silly Hindus! Not just that, the pilgrims cannot recite Mantras, Shlokas, Jaikaras – all of which will destroy the fragile eco-system of the Himalayas & cause avalanches, which will kill people. Now I want to know 2 things:

1) What caused the cloudburst in Kedarnath& was it the NGT or its rulings which protected the Kedarnath Shrine?

2) Who protects the pilgrims when every year plans are made by Islamic Terrorists to kill thousands of pilgrims to Amarnath? Does NGT do anything to stop the hail of bullets? Are these shot fired with silencers fitted on them? How is it that no avalanche took place when these terrorist fire bullets, but Jaikaras will cause avalances?

A host of other rulings to protect Hindus from hurting / harming themselves are the DahiHandi restrictions, Bursting of Crackers restrictions, Jallikattu&Kumbala restrictions, Holi restrictions, Kite flying restrictions and so on and so forth. I personally think that there is no body anywhere on Earth, in any country, which cares so much for Hindus as much as our Courts and NGT does!

They have opened my eyes to realising that as a Hindu I have been very selfish and have not been empathetic towards God & Nature at all. From now on I too shall strive to see God in my own house in my Puja room. Everyday before praying I shall say, “Mane ne Kaashi, Mane ne Vrindavana” and ask God to think that I am visiting Him in that place itself & bless me. I only hope that my Mantra-uchharanand Jaikaras at home do not cause an earthquake or tremor. Jai Mahakaal! HarHarMahadev!


Note : If all of the above seems like idiocy to the reader, I request readers to encourage lawyers to take up the Hindu cause. But before taking up the cause, they should do their homework well in a manner as to put their points forth very scientifically. Else we Hindus will be left with nothing but such rulings which will destroy our culture & religion. We will only be left with the sentence – “Hinduism is only a way of life”.