“Mummy Promise I Am Honest” Hilarious Article On Former PM Manmohan Singh…

Mummy promise, I am honest !

I was responsible for all decisions taken by my government. Indian Coal Allocation Scam of 2012 that CAG said is worth 1,86,000 Crores, happened under my nose.

At the heart of the Spectrum scam worth Rs.1.76-lakh crores was my deafening silence when my former Telecom minister A Raja – who according to the CAG, blatantly evaded norms at every level as he carried out the dubious 2G license awards in 2008 at a throw-away price which were pegged at 2001 prices. Surely, I am responsible for it.

In 2012 the chairman of our Congress ruled state’s Karnataka State Minorities Commission called Anwar submitted a sensational report which alleged 27,000 acres of land, which was controlled by Karnataka Wakf Board had been allocated illegally or misappropriated by politicians of our party along with real estate mafias who are sympathizers of my party. The value of land which was misappropriated was in tune of 1.5 to 2 lakh crore rupees. Many MPs of the state and opposition parties came to me asking for an impartial SC monitored CBI investigation. I am responsible for showing them my, now twisted middle finger.

CVC, involved in probing the alleged corruption in various CWG-related projects found discrepancies in tenders – like payment to non-existent parties, will-ful delays in execution of contracts, over-inflated price and bungling in purchase of equipment through tendering – and misappropriation of funds. The beneficiaries of this scam were my party men. Many wanted me to act. But I am responsible for trying my best to scuttle the probe. Afterall this was a smaller scam of just 70000 crores in comparison to the others I had easily managed to ignore with my famous Maun.

I am also responsible for the Chopper scam as my office in 2012 knew how former Indian Air Force Chief Air Chief Marshal S P Tyagi was allegedly paid bribes to swing a Rs 3,600 crore deal for procuring 12 choppers from Italian firm Finmeccanica to ferry VVIPS. With the word ‘Italian’ coming up at every juncture, how could I have not followed the holy code of Omerta ? Yes, I am responsible for the silence. Its an unwritten law in Madame’s land.

Tatra truck scam of 2012 where the ED registered a case under the Prevention of Money Laundering Act (PMLA) in April 2013 against Vectra Chairman Ravi Rishi and few other firms was such a small inconsequential case involving such a meagre amount of just 14 crore rupees that, even if I am responsible for things happening under my watch, I had to ignore it as I had the gut feeling that V K Singh who was offered a Rs 14 crore bribe in September, 2010 to clear the purchase of a tranche of 1,676 Tatra trucks for the Army, would join BJP later. Not my mistake even if I am responsible.

I am also responsible for not playing any role in taking timely and much needed steps in the probe related to Adarsh scam of 2012. The land belonging to the defence had been given away by our Congress party’s state government for the society where our loyal bureaucrats got themselves flats. Our party’s CM and politicians and army personnel on our payrolls who create a lot of hue and cry about anything Modi does, of course at our behest, connived to grab apartments in this plush 31-storey Colaba building overlooking the defence area. I was responsible for ensuring that I slow down and try to sabotage the probe. Even if i was responsible for it, you can’t blame me as I was not successful. Ask Ashok Chavhan if don’t believe me.

I am a renowned economist. You know that. Hence I had to keep the investor sentiment in good spirits. Satyam scam of 2009 was my litmus test. I came out in flying colors by simply overlooking B Ramalinga Raju’s exploits, in this multi-crore Satyam Computers accounting scam case even after he confessed that he had manipulated the accounts by $1.47-billion. If politicians and their scams can be ignored, why not a corporate scam ? I am responsible for it, let me proudly confess.

Many critics can come up with much more such examples. Yes my government was steeped in the biggest known scams in independent India and I am responsible for it. But then I too have my PR team. Some working voluntarily for me. They keep on vouching for my impeccable honesty and integrity. They find support from all those who hate Modi.

I have no qualms in accepting that I am responsible for each one of those decisions that my government has taken, but one should not forget that I did not take a single penny. I still have my Maruti-800 with me and my bank balance is the proof of my honesty. At the end of the day, all that the courts and people of this country can insinuate is that I was just a ‘rubber-stamp’ PM. Yes, I am responsible for it too. So ?

Jai Hind.


Vedant Kumar

Vedant Kumar is a part-time writer, part-time journalist and full-time traveller. He has interests in spirituality, history, culture and politics. He tweets from @VedKr