Parody: SatyaVijayi Interviews a Senior Journalist, A Cutlery Thief

We read this shameful news that a delegation of senior journalists, who accompanied Mamata Banerjee to London, on an official visit, actually stole Silver Cutlery in a luxury hotel. When the Hotel staff noticed this theft being live streamed, they reprimanded the journalists. There were not one but many of them who were caught red handed. One guy even refused to accept his crime but gave in once the CCTV footage was shown to him. This guy had actually put the stolen cutlery in another scribe’s bag and thus was confident of not being caught. While other channels are busy reporting the matter, we decided to present to you one of the journalist’s version.

We are the first Indian News portal to track one of the offenders and interview him. He requested us not to reveal his name. And we promised him anonymity. Sometimes the act matters the most than the name. We asked him some hard questions and we must say that he put up a brave defense.

SatyaVijayi: How does it feel to be caught red handed?

Senior Journalist: I feel bad that this time I was caught.

SatyaVijayi: You mean you have repeated this act elsewhere?

Senior Journalist: Well, apart from devouring delicious continental cuisines, I am fond of the cutlery in which the food is served. I have a mind blowing collection at home. The last time I was lucky enough to find a complete dinner set. I guess it was in nearby Mauritius.

SatyaVijayi: So, you are a repeat offender! You stole a complete dinner set? That’s unbelievable.

Senior Journalist: I like challenges. What is unbelievable is the fact that I failed to notice the hidden CCTV camera recording my act. I feel ashamed.

SatyaVijayi: So, you realize that you have put Mamata Didi to shame by your act?

Senior Journalist: Don’t put words in my mouth. I stick to my stand. I feel ashamed that I failed to notice the hidden CCTV.

SatyaVijayi: Mamata Didi might be really upset on you.

Senior Journalist: I feel sorry for letting her down. I swear by the Aadhar card, facilitated by her party workers the moment I arrived in Bengal, that I would be more careful in future. And she is a compassionate lady. There is no question of her being upset. The only time she was upset was when Modi asked her to link her Aadhar Card with her Bank Account.

SatyaVijayi: Aadhar Card facilitated by her workers? It is usually issued by government officials. You mean you are an illegal Bangladeshi migrant?

Senior Journalist: How can you accuse me of being a Bangladeshi? I have a similar Aadhar card as yours, digitally signed by the competent authority. The only thing is I will never link it to my bank account. I register my protest against this conspiracy. I don’t give the government the right to compromise my privacy by forcing me to link Aadhar Card to my Bank Account. I stand by Mamata Didi and will never link my Aadhar Card to anything.

SatyaVijayi: We can understand why you are annoyed. Coming back to the cutlery theft, we heard there were other senior journalists like you, who were caught red handed and they were really ashamed when asked to return the stolen items? It’s shocking to find so many of them involved in this act.

Senior Journalist: I cannot speak for others. I can only speak for myself. What is more surprising is this! There were also few gentlemen who only enjoyed the food and didn’t fancy any desire for the cutlery. I wonder what the criterion behind their selection was. There is no way they could be a part of a handpicked delegation to accompany the State’s Chief Minister on a foreign tour, if they only focused on the food. I mean, these days journalism is not merely reporting news. You have to add a sensation to it. And to me they appeared boring. The remaining, unknowingly crafted a sensational story around them. That is what reporting is all about.

SatyaVijayi: Don’t you think you are a blot on journalism?

Senior Journalist: Whatever I think hardly matters. What matters is a sensational Masala Story, that’s all. At the end of the day when I hit bed, I ask myself only one thing! Did I craft a sensational news story using my computer keys today? How many likes and shares it received on Facebook and Twitter? How many people actually got agitated after reading it? How many trolled and abused me? If the numbers are satisfactory then I get a sound sleep.

SatyaVijayi: One final question, don’t you think truth matters the most than sensationalism?

Senior Journalist: Yes, sometimes even that matters.